Aimzster
Dianna GParis' Beauty Secrets
December 4th 2007 02:16
Yes, as sad as it may sound, I honestly wanted to know. Not because I wanted to emulate the pinched, scrawny, Playboy Bunny-who’s downed-some-sleeping-pills-wi th-vodka look, but because I secretly wanted to see if she could come up with a tip other than : Be born ridiculously rich (as to make up for the huge lack of brain and natural talent) so you can squander your ancestors’ hard-earned money on plastic surgery and become a walking poster for FAKE (fake tan, fake eye colour, fake hair, fake smile, etc). Of course, this is all between driving down the wrong side of the road, being holed up in prison or (pretending to?) angrily swiping copies of your One Night in Paris from porn shops.
During the promotion of her new fragranceSkank Skank, Can Can, Paris sat down with a beauty blogger (alas, not yours truly) and condescended to impart her beauty secrets to her adoring masses. So, let’s indulge her for five minutes and pretend that we are seriously considering how we can incorporate Paris’ beauty wisdom into our daily humdrum lives.
So *drum roll*, Paris’ 5 beauty secrets are :
#1 Wear a scent that means something to you
The smell of fried bacon and eggs mean a lot to me. They remind me of relaxed, sleepy Saturday mornings. But the idea of being tailed by hungry dogs prevents me from liberally slapping my neck with crispy bacon rashes and dabbing my wrists with lightly scrambled eggs. Mmm….bacon and eggs….yum……
#2 Wear lipgloss
Nothing more beautiful than the sight of shiny, glittering lips framed around a fake pearly-white smile.
#3 Get weekly facials
Now, if I can just convince my husband to sell our apartment and live under the pedestrian bridge down the road, I, too, can have the flawless, evenly-toned, no-need-to-wear-make up skin like, er, Paris?
#4 Start looking after your skin at an early age
This is actually something I agree with so I’ll shut up.
#5 Be polite and sweet to everyone.
Well, no, not to everyone. Goodness knows if I was sweet and polite to my other half, we’d still be living with our respective parents at the age of 50.
Yes, please tell us, o enlighted one, what makes you so beautiful?
During the promotion of her new fragrance
So *drum roll*, Paris’ 5 beauty secrets are :
#1 Wear a scent that means something to you
The smell of fried bacon and eggs mean a lot to me. They remind me of relaxed, sleepy Saturday mornings. But the idea of being tailed by hungry dogs prevents me from liberally slapping my neck with crispy bacon rashes and dabbing my wrists with lightly scrambled eggs. Mmm….bacon and eggs….yum……
#2 Wear lipgloss
Nothing more beautiful than the sight of shiny, glittering lips framed around a fake pearly-white smile.
#3 Get weekly facials
Now, if I can just convince my husband to sell our apartment and live under the pedestrian bridge down the road, I, too, can have the flawless, evenly-toned, no-need-to-wear-make up skin like, er, Paris?
#4 Start looking after your skin at an early age
This is actually something I agree with so I’ll shut up.
#5 Be polite and sweet to everyone.
Well, no, not to everyone. Goodness knows if I was sweet and polite to my other half, we’d still be living with our respective parents at the age of 50.
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Comment by Michaelie
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Michaelie
Comment by katyzzz
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Still, I guess the money helps.
Comment by Lara M
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Comment by Aimzster
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Katyzzz, the fact that no amount of money in the world can change the fact that she is a hopeless bimbo thrills me to bits.
Lara, definitely agree. That's why I had to laugh at her 5 Beauty Secrets - there is only one and not a secret at that.
Comment by Lilla
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Aimz, at first I thought the title was a deliberate oxymoron, but the truth is, she is a pretty girl, and filthy rich too ... but not really happier than me, perhaps *lol* .. it's just the personality (or apparent lack of one) that's a little hard to understand sometimes, right?
Your report is ((hillarious)), thanks for sharing these priceless secrets, I'm sure to knock 'em dead each time I walk down the street now, although I do have to agree with saying kind things and being polite all the time, as it makes for a beautiful mouth.
Sadly, I'm too fiesty to be kind and polite all the time, I agree with Russell Crow here too much... 'if you don't have a temper, you'd be walking down the street one day and just 'pop'..*lol* he should know, right?
Intersting Post!
Lilla ...
Comment by Aimzster
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