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Dianna GSmile for Black Toothpaste!
August 28th 2006 07:59
Lush Black Tooth Gel
Surprise! It's another wacky product from Lush. I have warily observed this little black tube sitting at the Lush counter until curiosity finally got the better of me. The concept is simple: this rebellious tube challenges the notions of Western society that toothpaste must be minty to be healthy. Like a true rebel, the toothpaste is also charcoal black, while tasting pleasantly sweet and fruity.
The concept of it makes enough sense. Charcoal, despite being black as a pot, has the ability to whiten teeth, the reason for the other ingredient: Eggplant, Tangerine, Lemon, and Sandalwood, fails to be comprehended.
I half expected my mind to be warped by such a truly psyched out idea. Squeezing out a tar slug onto my toothbrush and sloshing it into my mouth in the quest of a whiter, brighter smile, I was disappointed to have ended up with gray teeth instead (ok ok I didn't rinse properly, but I NEVER had to!). Another wad of hard earned cash wasted, when I could have purchased a full MacDonalds Breakfast with hotcakes AND a hash brown.
Other than that, finishing teeth cleaning without the burst of minty freshness that advertisements has trained us to expect just doesn't feel right. My eye twitched as I licked the inside of my mouth as I was deprived my bi-daily bursts of freshness
This is one of the many disastrous purchases I have made from Lush. There was the fizzy bath bomb that dissolved into powdery nothingness and left my 13 yr old self naked, sore, and disappointed without an inch of the promised citrus tang hanging on my skin. There was the natural bar soap that left such a film of greasy residue on my skin I had to resort to Imperial Leather. The most recent pointless purchase scars me to this day, the wobbly seaweed soap which mashed up and jumped out of my hands like some nightmare infant in a bathtub - terrifying ordeal when you're naked and freezing.
I now crawl back to the supermarket Colgate/McLeans isle, head down, tail tucked into my hind-legs, ears flattened, and whimpering pathetically, a little wiser, humbled, and with slightly tarred teeth.
*Image taken from happykatie.typepad.com and is used solely for commentary purposes
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You have saved my simple self from this mistake!