Aimzster
Dianna GWeird, Wacky (Wonderful?) Beauty Treatments
September 18th 2007 01:57
A nanny once told me that one surefire way to get rid of pimples is to rinse your face with your own periods. But before you scoff at this, check out some of the more bizarre beauty treatments that have piqued people’s curiosity enough to queue up outside certain day spas :
Nightingale Facial
Nothing like bird faeces slathered all over your face to make your skin look more translucent and flawless. This is Diamond Hawaii Resort & Spa’s signature facial and the geishas were the first to discover the benefits of nightingale excrement for the skin. Perhaps in ten years’ time, someone will discover the benefits of dog crap that will have us scurrying toward our pets with a plastic bag everytime they hunch over and we can say goodbye to swearing viciously everytime we step on one when we have a picnic…
Butt treatment
We get our faces scrubbed and exfoliated but someone had the bright idea that we should also look after our second set of cheeks down south. I call this the Buttial where your backside is cleansed, exfoliated, applied a mask to, waxed (if required), massaged and moisturised so your ass can look polished and feel oh-so smooth. Perfect for summer when you want to gallivant around on the beach with a g-string.
Cupping
Remember when sticking needles into your body drew some raised eyebrows and elicited the ‘WTF?’ Well, cupping is another form of acupuncture that’s supposed to encourage blood flow and ease muscle aches and pains. Small glass cups are lit and immediately applied to the skin. Even though clients will earn deep purple bruises that will last about a week, the process is painless. And if it’s good enough for Gwyneth Paltrow, it’s good enough for the rest of us.
Beer Spa
Here’s something that would encourage more men into day spas – in Czech Republic, Austria and Germany anyway. How’s soaking into a huge bubbling tub of warm beer sound? Landhotel Moorhof in Austria would have us believe that the yeast in beer contains vitamins that give you a better complexion while relieving the stress from your muscles. And don’t worry, before you can sit there and contemplate on whether you should dunk your head in the tub and gulp as much of beer as you can, you’re given a few pints of beer – to drink.
Ramen Noodle Spa
Immersing yourself in a tub of ramen noodles and pork broth, as you would in Yunessa Spa, Japan, supposedly boosts your overall metabolism while cleansing your skin. Just add a sprinkle of sliced green onions and a teaspoon of soy sauce and you can feel like the pork in a soup.
Snake massage
Would you pay $80 to have six snakes slithering all over your back? NO! A salon in Northern Israel now has a waiting list of clients who want the experience of having these reptiles writhing all over their bodies to soothe aching muscles and stiff joints. While Ada Barak who performs this treatment is always at hand to ensure the non-venomous snakes don’t go into certain…er…delicate areas, that’s hardly enough to convince me that this treatment is meant to be relaxing. What’s next? A crocodile rolling on your back as another form of remedial massage? No thanks.
*image from www.wikipedia.com
Nothing like bird faeces slathered all over your face to make your skin look more translucent and flawless. This is Diamond Hawaii Resort & Spa’s signature facial and the geishas were the first to discover the benefits of nightingale excrement for the skin. Perhaps in ten years’ time, someone will discover the benefits of dog crap that will have us scurrying toward our pets with a plastic bag everytime they hunch over and we can say goodbye to swearing viciously everytime we step on one when we have a picnic…
Butt treatment
We get our faces scrubbed and exfoliated but someone had the bright idea that we should also look after our second set of cheeks down south. I call this the Buttial where your backside is cleansed, exfoliated, applied a mask to, waxed (if required), massaged and moisturised so your ass can look polished and feel oh-so smooth. Perfect for summer when you want to gallivant around on the beach with a g-string.
Cupping
Remember when sticking needles into your body drew some raised eyebrows and elicited the ‘WTF?’ Well, cupping is another form of acupuncture that’s supposed to encourage blood flow and ease muscle aches and pains. Small glass cups are lit and immediately applied to the skin. Even though clients will earn deep purple bruises that will last about a week, the process is painless. And if it’s good enough for Gwyneth Paltrow, it’s good enough for the rest of us.
Beer Spa
Here’s something that would encourage more men into day spas – in Czech Republic, Austria and Germany anyway. How’s soaking into a huge bubbling tub of warm beer sound? Landhotel Moorhof in Austria would have us believe that the yeast in beer contains vitamins that give you a better complexion while relieving the stress from your muscles. And don’t worry, before you can sit there and contemplate on whether you should dunk your head in the tub and gulp as much of beer as you can, you’re given a few pints of beer – to drink.
Ramen Noodle Spa
Immersing yourself in a tub of ramen noodles and pork broth, as you would in Yunessa Spa, Japan, supposedly boosts your overall metabolism while cleansing your skin. Just add a sprinkle of sliced green onions and a teaspoon of soy sauce and you can feel like the pork in a soup.
Snake massage
Would you pay $80 to have six snakes slithering all over your back? NO! A salon in Northern Israel now has a waiting list of clients who want the experience of having these reptiles writhing all over their bodies to soothe aching muscles and stiff joints. While Ada Barak who performs this treatment is always at hand to ensure the non-venomous snakes don’t go into certain…er…delicate areas, that’s hardly enough to convince me that this treatment is meant to be relaxing. What’s next? A crocodile rolling on your back as another form of remedial massage? No thanks.
*image from www.wikipedia.com
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Comment by katyzzz
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Funny post, Aimzster
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Comment by Chic Critique
Great post Aimzster.....too funny for words....and a little bit gross.
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Chic, *sigh* things we do for the sake of beauty. I think people just come up with these bizarre things to find out just how much we're willing to pay to look good!
Lara, out of the treatments above, apparently cupping is the most effective. As mentioned, I'm sure everyone felt the same toward needles!
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I remember sitting in hot cowshit up to my chin in a Northern California spa, getting a mental picture of the scene, and breaking into loud, long belly-laughs at myself for having been been played so thoroughly.
The attendant asked what was so funny, but all I could do was point wordlessly to the steaming pile I was sitting in and my own badass self soaking in it like a total putz...and I'd paid $50.00 for the privilege!
That was one of the best laughs at my own expense I've ever had--and I've had hundreds.
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